my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
