Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
