About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
