I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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