Ketchup is God's man juice
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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