A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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