Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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