Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
