i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
