He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
