Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I currently don't understand fingers.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
