What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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