we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
