Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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