I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize