I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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