i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
