Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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