If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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