I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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