He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
