I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
