my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
