Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
