I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
