Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
