Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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