its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
