Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
