I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
