I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
