Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
