I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
