tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
