The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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