Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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