I'm gonna have a badass scar
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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