Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
