Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
