this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
