yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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