i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i already hear my dad disowning me
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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