At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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