Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
