i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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