i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
