Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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