Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
