She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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