Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
