i permit you to call me
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
where are my eyebrows?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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