There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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