i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I look excited, but its just a facade.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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