If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
