just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
