sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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