My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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