roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
