I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
