What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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