At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The air was thick with penises
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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