i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
