Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
