Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dick very happy bro
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
