oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
