i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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