she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
