So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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