I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
