well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
