I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
