a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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