Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have aggressive nipples.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
