I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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