I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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