At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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