I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
