it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
