I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
