I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
