Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
