I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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