My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
