Banned from zoo.
Again?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
