And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
